Beast Trumps Archangel
by Random Ruth
Summary: E/O Challenge: "thread". God tests his four archangels. A story made up of five 100-word drabbles. Now with added deleted scene!
1. Beast Trumps Archangel

**Author's Note: **This week I wanted to write something for a character I've never tackled before and the archangels fit the bill. I even read a little bit of my Bible so that I could try and make this sound more Bible-like (for example having the word 'Lord' in capitals). I've probably just sinned in the name of fanfiction. On with our tale... :)

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_Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God._ —Matthew 19:24

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**Beast Trumps Archangel**

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The LORD gathered his Archangels and said unto them, "You must each pass a Beast through the eye of a needle to prove your worth as an Warrior of Heaven."

To His right were four camels, to His left four needles. "I will give you a single hour," the LORD continued, before He vanished, leaving the Archangels alone in one of Heaven's many gardens.

Michael approached his camel first, and demonstrated with a length of thread what was required of it. "You must pass through, Beast of the Earth, for it is God's Will..."

The camel simply stared at him.

* * *

Raphael and his camel watched each other warily. The Beast's unblinking scrutiny had the Archangel puffing up his Grace in a display of Holy power. "I will declare war on you, Beast," he warned, "if you do not pass through the eye of this needle."

He waved the needle in front of the camel's nose. It burped.

"You choose war, Beast!" Raphael declared, even as the odour from the Beast left him wheezing.

Gabriel saw the size of his camel compared to his needle, and declared the task impossible.

"So how's the weather down in Canaan?" he asked the Beast.

* * *

Lucifer observed what his brothers were doing and rolled his eyes in the face of their failures. He took his camel and slaughtered it, before cutting it up into a billion pieces. Each piece he fed through the eye of his needle, one-by-one.

On the hour the LORD returned to His Archangels and surveyed their work.

"Michael and Raphael," the LORD shook His head sadly, "you have failed the task I have set you."

Ashamed, the two Archangels stared at their feet.

"Gabriel," He went on, "I can see all of Creation. I know that your camel is over there."

* * *

He pointed at a distant bush, from behind which a camel's hump was poking out.

"You too have failed, Trickster," the LORD said despondently.

Gabriel shrugged nonchalantly. "It was a stupid test anyway," he muttered unto himself.

Lucifer proudly stepped forth, holding up his needle to his Father. "I have succeeded where the others have failed, Father."

The LORD stared at Lucifer – and the blood of the Beast that surrounded his feet – for a moment before He performed an Almighty Facepalm.

"That is not a camel anymore," the LORD stated.

"But, Father—" Lucifer protested, but He had already gone.

* * *

Hours later in the same garden Gabriel was practising at making things disappear (since it clearly needed some work). He was disturbed by one of his younger brothers.

"Mr Gabriel!" a young angel called for him as he neared.

"What's the matter, Castiel?"

"I found your camel, Mr Gabriel!" Castiel announced happily.

Gabriel turned to see that the tiny angel had managed to tie a rope around the camel's neck to lead it here. The camel grunted at them.

Castiel handed the end of the rope to Gabriel.

"Hi," Gabriel said unto the camel.

The Beast then passed Unholy Wind.

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**THE END**


	2. Bonus Deleted Scene

**A/N: **I was going to bed last night when I had this idea. It was originally going to be a witty thanks for a review, but then... Still, it's 100 words on the dot. And probably against E/O rules, but then I never manage to follow them anyway.

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**Beast Trumps Archangel (Special Bonus Deleted Scene)**

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As the Beast released the Unholy Wind the very Heavens shook. The resulting explosion caused pieces of the garden to be flung far and wide throughout Heaven (damaging several harps and hitting another angel right in the Grace). The rock that Gabriel had been perching on fell from Heaven to Earth.

Once the dust had cleared it revealed a desolate world.

From Heaven two angels peered downwards.

"Where are all the dinosaurs, Mr Gabriel?" the young Castiel asked.

The camel chewed its cud in the face of the destruction.

"Uh... they're just sleeping, Castiel," Gabriel explained, ushering the youngster away.

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**DEFINITELY THE END**


End file.
